Pray and Vote

I packed my kids up this morning and off to the polls we went.  We were in and out.  It really took no time at all.  I am so thankful for the right to vote.  I am, though, saddened at what this day is doing to so many people.  Yes, your views may differ from those of your neighbors.  Yes, you may vote FOR Amendment One while they vote Against.  But tomorrow, you will still be neighbors.  Tomorrow, regardless of what the ballots show, we will trudge on.  I will readily admit that I am a little afraid of what today's vote may bring.  A sweet friend and I jokingly discussed this morning going on TV and voicing our opinion on the matter.  But in the end, it won't matter what you post on facebook.  It won't matter what those people standing on the side of the road holding a sign say.  It won't matter what ANY of the best blogs say to do.   God's will WILL be done. PERIOD.

May2, 2010

Granted it was just after midnight, but it was the day I gave birth to our 4th son, Jordan. It was also the day we said goodbye to our 4th son.  I can't even express the emotion that goes along with that. Unless you've experienced it, I don't think you can. A friend of mine just lost her brother and the best way I could explain it to her was surreal.

You have plans for your life. Plans that involve people. The way you think your life will go. The road you think you will travel.

That doesn't always happen.  We live in a fallen world. There will be pain. There will be heartache.  But the God who spoke this world into existence is the same God who heals the broken hearted, Jehovah-Rapha. The God who gives and the God who takes away.  As C.S. Lewis says, He is not safe, but He is good.  God is ALWAYS good.

So today, 2 years after saying goodbye to my sweet Jordan. I am remembering him. His sweet face. Hs smell.  The memories we could have shared.  But I'm also remembering how far I've come over these last 2 years. The road I did travel.  How my relationship with the Lord has strengthened. How Daddy-O and the boys relationships with the Lord has strengthened. 

Life is not always fair.

Questions are not always answered.

But God is ALWAYS good.

Going to the Lodge

We are at our second annual trip to the Great Wolf Lodge. This is actually our third time coming but started last year at the anniversary of losing Jordan. It's a good way to celebrate our family...think about where we've been, what we've been through, how far we've come. In many aspects of our life, but mainly over the past two years.  The kids look forward to this trip. They love the water and we discovered yesterday that Joss loves it too! She is fearless! Good thing she has 3 over protective big brothers! 

I woke up this morning with a lump in my throat. It's so hard to believe that 2 years ago today I woke up and headed to the hospital praying that what I was afraid was true, really wasn't. It's hard to believe that we have come so far since that sad, dark day. It's hard to believe that at 32 and 33 years old (and 8, 6, and 6 as well) we have endured the pain we have endured. But just as the Lord commanded, we persevered. We did our very best to be obedient. I thank Him daily for bringing us through that valley of pain. That pit of darkness. I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that it pained our Lord to see us hurt so badly because I know how badly my heart hurts to see my children in pain. 

I still miss my sweet Jordan. My arms will always ache to hold him. But I know that I will hold him. I know he will be waiting for me on that glorious day I go home to be with Jesus.  And while here on earth, I have 4 beautiful children that the Lord has blessed me with. I am so thankful. Thankful for where I've been. Thankful for where I'm going. Thankful for those who are walking with me, encouraging me, loving me. I'm thankful for the lives I am able to change because of my circumstances.

As Ann Voskamp said, "I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep."

I have more I *want * to say today....but these sweet kids want to take a trip to the gift shop before the water park opens. So until tomorrow, here are a few pics of the kids.

Yesterday at the park.

This morning when they first woke up. Camron's funny face is because he was about to yawn! I think I caught Joss mid-blink!  Love the bedhead!

This is the stuff

You would think that 2 stomach bugs in 2 weeks would do me in. I have spent the past few days taking care of 2 of my sweet kids who got a less violent case of the stomach bug AGAIN! Instead of complaining about this happening, I can honestly say, I have spent a lot of time over the past few days thanking God that I am taking care of my vomiting children because all they have is a stomach bug. I'm not trying to be Polly Positive by seeing the glass half full, I'm being honest! I have friends and aquaintences who have spent weeks, months or even years at a time with their children as they threw up regularly because of chemo or some other drug to fight a cancer attacking their little bodies.  I know a family right now whose 6 year old is battling cancer. I have a friend whose son had surgery yesterday...on his brain.  So while stomach bugs are no fun. And cleaning up vomit and changing yucky diaper after yucky diaper can weigh you down a bit, I am so thankful that it isn't worse! 

I am reminded of a quote by Anne Voskamp, "Until we call attention to the moments of our lives, we miss our lives."

This is my life! And I wouldn't have it any other way!

I

My sweet Jaxon. Who probably caught the bug from Joss! He loves her SO much and just wanted to help her feel better when she wasn't feeling well!

Sweet Joss. Still sleeping at 10am. That doesn't happen. Just a minor clue she was a sickie!

Spring Visit

We love visiting Grandma an Papa in Durham.  The kids are spoiled even more than they are already!  If you think grandparents never say no, you can imagine that GREAT grandparents go over and above!  I mean, these kids get oreos whenever they want them from Grandma Ruth!  And Papa lets them sit ON the pool table to roll the balls in!  I'm not so sure they did that when I was little!  The love is just busting from the seams at their house!

They are precious in HIS sight

Ok, I don't know if I have the words to blog about this. It has been on my heart and after reading 2 other blog posts by adoptive moms who say it so well, I may just have to give you the links and let you read their beautiful words so you can get the jist of it. Or try anyway. Because unless you have adopted a child of another race, or ARE of another race yourself. You really won't understand. Please don't take this the wrong way. I am not in any way trying to sound ugly. I'm just trying to be honest.

I will start by saying I have said things in the past like "I don't see color". Ok, by that, I meant I don't discriminate. I, thank God, was brought up in a racially diverse area with parents who were by no means prejudice. That's all well and good BUT, the difference is there. One of my best friends and I have had discussions regarding the differences between African American and Caucasian people and I never fully understood the things she said to me. I understood to the best of my ability... as a white woman with a white husband and white children.

Pause for just a moment....I need to say this publically...

Tamara, I am SO sorry. I must have sounded just like everyone else! I'm sure I sounded uber naive! While I will never "get" it the way YOU "get" it, I get it way more than I ever thought I did!

Enter Jossalyn. As a white mom, I didn't really realize the subtle discriminations that are really everywhere. For example, I went to get the kids books at Lifeway for Easter and had a very hard time finding a book with a brown child in it. I did find one, mind you, but it wasn't easy. As for dolls, good luck with that! You better grab one while you see it because there are no where near as many brown dolls as white ones! Take magazine ads, other than a few companies who are very good about having racially diverse as well as portraying handicapped children in their line, it is slim pickin's to see a cute little brown girl sportin' these top of the line clothes! Why? I wish I could answer that question! While this world has come a long way in equality and discrimination, there is such a long ways to go. It. breaks. my. heart.

I think of things I never would have thought before. I wonder things I never would have wondered before. Do these little girls and boys see the differences? I don't know. I can only pray that I can do the best job possible in raising ALL of my children so they can deal with situations that are sure to arise. Conversations that are going to occur, to the best of their ability, in a manner that will be pleasing to the Lord.

I pray that those of you who read this will not take it the wrong way. I may have. Before I had a brown daughter. It's just the reality of the world.

You can read the other two blogs here:

http://www.jenhatmaker.com/blog/2012/03/26/dear-trayvons-mom

http://www.casselljourneytoafrica.blogspot.com/

Easter 2012

When Jaxon was a baby, my mom started having an annual Egg Hunt at her house on Easter weekend. It has grown so much over the past 8 years. There are new faces each year and those that have been in previous years but had to miss, are always sad! My parents and their friend Kathy from Arizona do SUCH a wonderful job of getting everything prepared for this big event! They have lots of cupcakes, a craft for the kids, an Easter bunny for pictures, an Easter story (Resurrection Eggs this year), not to mention a beautiful yard!

Here's the woman behind the event! She just makes me do all her yelling....I have NO idea why ;)

Here's some of the guests waiting for the "GO!"

The Duke fam with the Easter Bunny...yes, we're all here....that means Daddy-O is....yep, you got it!

These babies were NOT happy with us one bit! If we had a video to see how fast Bo got away from him....hi-lar-i-ous!

Here we are today after church. The sermon was wonderful....always is! I just love Easter Sunday!