**my journal entry from yesterday. I felt led to share.**
I am sitting in our little cottage in Hollywood Beach holding my beautiful baby girl. Almost 9 months ago I was mourning the loss of my son. I was confused. I was scared. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. But I knew I had to go on. I had a wonderful husband and 3 precious boys who wanted and needed me to get back to being me. The new me none-the-less, but me. It was hard. Boy, was it hard but I asked, no I begged, I pleaded for the Lord to help me, to show me how to do that. The best way for ME to do that. Little by little, He did just that. I began seeing things in a different light. I saw things in me and in other people that I hadn't noticed before, some good, some bad. Life took on a whole new meaning. Things I had seen before but never noticed became breathtaking.

This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

When Chris and I decided to start praying about adoption again, we dusted off our old information. We prayed about the timing and then we decided it was time to move forward. We didn't realize how much of a roller coaster ride in itself we were about to experience. We had our profile shown to prospective birth mothers. Each time just asking God to open doors that were meant to be open and trusting Him completely. Each time we weren't chosen we couldn't help but be a little disappointed but always knew it was for the best. When we were chosen, we prayed for that child as if she were already ours. We prayed for the birth mom and built a relationship with her to the best of our ability. When she suddenly and unexpectedly decided to keep her baby, we were heartbroken. Chris and I both said, though, one day this will all make better sense.....it has to. After the fall through there were a few more (3 to be exact) situations that were SO close to happening. One was so close we were on the phone with the airline when we found out the agency had made a "mistake" and it wasn't going to happen. Shortly after that, we got "the call" about our Jossalyn. PRAISE GOD! It does make better sense now. Had any of those other situations happened, I would be sitting here holding this precious child.

**I have been sending out pictures of Jossalyn like crazy. Today a picture was sent to me. It was a very emotional picture actually. It's our bundle. We finally have our bundle of JOY......
JOssalYn

Just wanted to let you all know what we've been up to!
This is what the boys have done today.......

playing in the ocean

and the sand!

Now Miss Jossalyn on the other hand

has been snoozing most of the day....and looking cute of course!
Tomorrow is our last day at Hollywood Beach. We are going to start heading North! We are sad to leave Atlantic Sands. I highly recommend this place to anyone who comes here to visit. The owners are AMAZING! BUT, on the same note, we are MORE than ready to be able to get home to Daddy-O!

Can you believe it?

**and Nana took me to Longhorn to celebrate! Of all places! Can you believe THAT? hehe

A post from the Princess

I decided I wanted to see what this blogging thing was all about. Mommy says so many people have decided to stalk our blog so I want in on that fun!
Man, this family is so much fun! These boys love me so much. They're pretty loud but I don't mind! Nana loves me too! But my Mommy, whew, she must think I hung the moon. She gives me so many cuddles and snuggles and kisses! I think they're pretty great. I can't wait till we can go to my real home. There's this Daddy-O person there waiting to meet me. He keeps saying he can't wait to get his hands on me...I sure hope that's a good thing!
You guys will probably think this is funny. Before Mommy had me, she said her baby would drink room temperature milk....guess what, last night...she warmed mine! AAANNNNDDD, she said she wouldn't "snuggle" with her babies at night, well she snuggles me. I mean, how could she not?! Have you seen how cute I am?! I also hear that there have been lots of people who have been praying for me for a long time. I sure am one lucky little girl. I can't wait to meet all you people. Mommy calls you prayer warriors! That sounds pretty special. Don't be surprised if she doesn't let you hold me much. She is a baby hog, you know. And she has been waiting on me for a LONG time from what they tell me. She said I am a blessing from God. I'm not sure but that sounds pretty important! Well, it's almost feeding time. (That means Mommy will probably start singing some song she says the Wiggles sing..."It's feeding tiiiiiiiiiime"....I have no idea what she's talking about, but it's funny!)

Precious Pic and Funny Story!

I have to share this funny story from yesterday during discharge! 2 sweet girls from the agency came over to discharge Jossalyn to me. I had boocoodles of paperwork to fill out. I was just ready to G-O! Apparently Miss Priss was too because she started squawling like I hadn't heard before! I was rushing and anxious and was filling out as fast as my hand would go. I kept making mistakes by writing things on the wrong line. Then one of the girls leaned over me and say, "did you write your middle name?". I pointed and said, "Yes, it's right there.". She says, "Oh, that's your middle name?". I said "yes" as I glance back at the paper where I had put that my middle name was "Middle"! LOL! My middle name is "Michelle"! I was in such a hurry I copied the word middle! BAHAHAHA! I got so tickled....as did they! I assured them I was not an idiot, I was just ready to take my baby HOME! Luckily they believed me ;)

How did this happen so fast you ask??

I am sure many of you are wondering how this all transpired. Whew! What a crazy few days this has been! And I wouldn't have it any other way!
Ok, sooooo.....once upon a time (this past Monday to be exact) my parents were just coming in from a trip to Ft. Lauderdale for Nana's birthday. They called and asked us to meet them for dinner. (Yes, at Longhorn!) Right before we walked out the door, I heard my phone ringing. Not just any ring, but a special ring....Martine's ring! For those of you who don't know Martine, she is our ABOJ referral. She has also grown to be my friend through all of this. I answer the phone and she asked if I was ok. (oh wait, maybe I should have said that just this weekend we had an adoption possibility that didn't work out....this was only like the umpteenth one...-ahem, this might be a slight exaggeration, I can't rightly say;)-... ) Anyway, back to the story! Martine asked me if I was ok and I said "of course I am!". She said "you're not mad?". I said "NO!". She then said, "that's good because I think I'm gonna cry!". I replied, "Don't cry! I'm not mad!" (How funny that I thought she was going to cry b/c of ME being mad...lol) She then says something to the effect of, "I'm going to cry because I think your daughter is waiting for you in Florida!"....I then did a lot of screaming and jumping around and who knows what else! From there I called a few more people from the agency in Florida to get loads of info! We found out that our sweet Joss is a safe haven baby. This is a law where you can leave your baby at a safe place and not be prosecuted for doing so. Birthmom did not want to make an adoption plan and did not want to care for her so our baby girl is a safe haven baby! It is policy for a safe haven baby to go to the NICU for observation and testing. (For the record, Jossalyn's birthmom was admitted and checked out so drug use, etc. was ruled out.) We needed to wait for some results Tuesday morning. So needless to say, this Mama didn't do much sleeping Monday night! I spent a LOT of time in prayer! Tuesday morning, we got the call that all was well and we needed to head to Florida to get OUR baby! There was a great deal of deliberation as to who was going to come to Florida and how we were going to get there. We finally decided the best decision for us was for Nana, the boys and myself to drive down. We left Tuesday afternoon (after a crazy day) and drove to Jacksonville, Florida. We arrived there around midnight. Luckily the boys were able to sleep for a while in the car! We left Jacksonville a little before 6am and drove the rest of the way. At this point we thought Jossalyn was going to be discharged Wednesday afternoon! We drove straight to the adoption agency. When we arrived there, I was told her bilirubin levels were elevated and she would probably not come home (to the cottage where we are staying) until Saturday! (augh, you mean it will be even longer until we see Daddy-O!!!) Soooooo, plans were a changed a little...no big deal! We came to the cottage to check in and so I could drop everyone off and head to the hospital. Now let me just say, driving in Miami is NOTHING like driving at home! And, this hospital is bigger than big! It's ginormous! I was slightly overwhelmed but I made it there and found the NICU. (we won't discuss how many people I had to ask for directions..hehe!)
I walked in and was given my instructions (as if I had never set foot in a NICU before) and was taken to her....Jossalyn...my daughter! She was snug as a bug in a rug under her bili lights! It was almost feeding time so I was able to feed her and snuggle a while before she had to get back in her mini tanning bed! The Dr. introduced herself to me and told me she thought discharge day could be Friday rather than Saturday. That was great to hear BUT that would mean they couldn't get started on the ICPC paper work until Monday. I sent our requests to the prayer warriors and our family prayed last night and this morning (especially Jaxon!) and when I first got there this morning, I was told she could go home TODAY! YAY! I spent the day at the hospital with her snuggling and waiting until the agency came over with the necessary paper work then we got the ok to LEAVE! I wish I had had my camera out when my boys saw her for the first time. The smiles on their faces and the sparkle in their eyes was priceless. They have all fallen in love...especially Jaxon. It's great! I love it! We have to stay here until the ICPC paperwork is complete. We are really hoping that is by next Wednesday! There is a Daddy-O at home who is beside himself with anticipation!
So there is the long, rambly version....Sorry if you can't keep up! Now I must get off this computer! There is a sweet baby girl waiting for snuggles from her Mommy!

SHE WAS DISCHARGED

Our prayers were answered! Jossalyn's bilirubin levels went down enough for her to come home (well to the cottage) today! We haven't been here long but I have to say, these boys...(especially Jaxon) are in LOVE! At least every 5 minutes Jaxon looks at her and says "she's SO cute". It really reminds me from Agnes in Despicable Me saying "It's SO Fluffy!".

As of now, we have to wait for the ICPC to be complete before we can head back to NC! We can go anywhere in Florida but can't cross the border. We are hoping to travel north and see my bff from middle school who is getting married next month since we won't be able to make her wedding! That could be next Wednesday....but it could be later! We are praying it's Wednesday! We have one anxious Daddy-O who is ready to meet his baby girl! Well, here are a few pictures! I will try to blog again tonight and give the full story about how this has happened! I must say the past few days have been a whirlwind....but a GREAT whirlwind!

Aww! How cute are we?? One big happy family who misses Daddy-O TERRIBLY!

Cheese! Waiting on Caden!

He is in LOVE!

3 awesome big brothers! One lucky little girl!

Introducing Jossalyn

The princess under the lights!

Aww, they pricked her little heel!

She's hiding from Mommy's camera already!

Ahhh, sleeping peacefully!

Well, these pictures aren't the greatest because Miss Priss is having some tanning time due to an elevated bilirubin! I must say she is BEAUTIFUL and just as sweet and cuddly as she can be! She has to stay in the NICU for a few extra days but we've waited this long a few more days won't hurt us, right?! I will get more pictures tomorrow!

**Please pray her bili levels go down quickly! The quicker they go down, the quicker she can come home with us! I have 3 boys (and a Nana) who are SO ready to see this little girl! Not to mention poor Daddy-O who is {not so} patiently waiting at home for her!

The Duke's are jumping for joy!

Why do we look so excited???
BECAUSE WE ARE HEADING TO FLORIDA TO GET OUR BABY!!!
Please be in prayer for us as we travel down! Keep looking back for updates as I will try to get pictures up asap!
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Phillippians 4:4

I have heard SO much about the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I read the "intro" online and I MUST have this book! I took the link below from a friends blog (The Krist Place) because I think it's wonderul. Take a few minutes. It's well worth your time! A few friends and I have decided to read this book together and I am super excited! I will let you know what I think! (oh and if anyone can tell me how to embed a link in my blog, I would be ever so happy...like when I mentioned the above blog, to have it take you there when you click.....)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhOUaszMGvQ&feature=player_embedded

ENDURE

Before the New Year and before my facebook disappearance, I heard and saw many people discussing their "theme" for 2011. I hadn't really given it much thought and didn't want to decide on a word for myself that I may not be able to "stick" to.

And that was that.

Then New Years Eve came. Around 3 am, one of my loves woke me up because he had to go #2. Yes, in the middle of the night...that's a {little} man for ya!

When I groggily got back in bed, I clearly heard the word "endure". Then I immediately thought of these verses,

1Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

The next morning during my quiet time, I looked up these verses and the meaning of the word endure... to stand firm; endure; persevere; take it patiently; abode (act of waiting); suffer

I am not sure what this means for me. I do know I have brought this to mind many times over the past few weeks (for various reasons) and it gives me an unmistakable peace.

So I will endure. I will persevere. I will stand firm. I will take it patiently. I will abide. I will suffer.




3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
5For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Farewell Facebook

It's been fun!
I have decided to forgo facebook...
I still have the account. I can receive messages and I can see if anyone writes on my wall through my email but I am choosing to not go on facebook. I am choosing not to read the feeds and so forth. Why do you ask? There are many reasons, actually, but why not? :)
Facebook is fun but it can also time consuming if you let it. I decided I have better things to do with my time! I also realized that I don't need to know all the things about all people on there, really. I was allowing other peoples posts and comments to effect my moods or how I felt at times. That is unnecessary. I think some people use facebook for the wrong reasons (just an opinion so CHILL!). SOOOO, I have just decided, for personal reasons, to steer clear of it....maybe for a while.....maybe for-e-ver (said in my best Sandlot voice....those who know the movie, know what I mean!)

It has been brought to my attention that I have been lacking in the blogging world lately. I am aware of this and I do apologize! I don't know if it's that I don't have anything to say or more so that I have so much to say that I am having a hard time getting my thoughts in an order fit to be blog worthy!
An update on our fam will suffice for now, I'm sure!
Christmas was wonderful! We had a white Christmas and I had a white birthday which was just grand! The boys enjoyed their time off of school as did I and we all enjoyed Daddy-O being home with us for so long!
The boys have started basketball again. It amazes me at the improvement each of them have made from just last year! Camron is our shy guy! He wants to play and has fun when he does but couldn't bring himself to play in his first game! Caden, on the other hand was running up and down the court! Jaxon's defensive skills have improved so much! I must admit that all of my boys (Daddy-O included) are counting down the days until baseball season arrives!
I know many of you are wondering where we stand in the adoption world. We are waiting....patiently....knowing that God will bless us with a baby at just the right time. Once you have a fall through, you go top priority..., BUT we also want a low risk case. Obviously there is risk with anything and everything but the lower the risk the better so that we don't lose any more money! No worries, I WILL blog about it when it happens ;)!
Shortly before Christmas, Kelly came up and did family portraits for us. She did a WONDERFUL job as always! I will attach some of the pics.
School is back in session at The Duke Academy. We have revamped things a little around here. Nothing major...just trying to enjoy each other more and not be so..."business-like"! More about that will come later as well!

I just love this candid shot of Daddy-O and Jax...or should I say his mini-me!

Yes they have on Santa hats and yes they are cute in them!

How handsome are they?! Seriously!

My little cutie-pa-tooties!