Great Wolf Lodge

Poppi sent us on a "GREAT" big adventure this weekend! We went to the Great Wolf Lodge. It all started with a scavenger hunt where the boys had to find clues about what they needed to take. They still had no idea until we arrived at our destination! We had a WONDERFUL time! Our room had a mini "cabin" inside where the boys slept. It had a set of bunk beds, an twin bed, their own tv...they LOVED it! We played in the wave pool, rode water slides, relaxed in the "0" entry (haha) pool outside, and just had an overall great time. We were lucky enough to be able to go with some wonderful friends which made the trip even better! We look forward to next time! This might just become a once a year treat!

An Ode to Mom

My Mom is the absolute BEST. Don't argue with me here people, b/c no one compares ....seriously! She is ALWAYS there for me to do for me anything she can. Sure, sometimes she can be a teeny bit overbearing BUT I'd rather have it this way than the latter. So, just for you Mom, here's a little poem...or a ditty if you will:

I love you Mom, I hope you know
How much I appreciate you, that's "fo sho"!
You've been there for me through thick and thin
With a smile on your face, well...at least a grin ;)
You are the best and that's no lie
I sure hope this made you laugh and not cry!

a "mess"

I had my "postpartum" appointment with Dr. T today. I had put it off long enough. It really wasn't too bad. The nurses were great. They loved on me. They didn't make me sit in the "back" waiting area. Dr. T was awesome as well. He promised a quick visit, which is hard to come by in that office, and he followed through. When I was checking out, the lady who handles that asked me if I needed any formula. I just shook my head no. She smiled and said, "are you sure, you might change your mind later"....I again just nicely said no and went on my way. She didn't know. But it hurt my heart! I guess I think they should have big red letters on my chart to keep that from happening.
On the way there this morning, I hear the song Better than a Hallelujah, by Amy Grant. If you've never heard that song before, go listen to it now. It is fabulous. The chorus says:

"We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah"

How true is that? How awesome is that? I have used the word "mess" to describe myself more times than I can count since May 2nd. Just ask Chris or my Mom. Mess is defined as: A confused, troubling, or embarrassing condition; a muddle. That's not what God sees. We are beautiful in His sight. As long as we are being true to him and putting our faith in him, faith as small as a mustard seed even, He hears us.

Fear

Think about sitting in a dark room. You can't even see your hand in front of your face. You can hear things better because when one of your senses is lacking, the others tend to "perk" up and help out a little. You start to hear things but since you can't see them, you're not sure what it is. Your mind begins to play tricks on you. You let yourself think the worst. Isn't this what happens in our lives? Tragedy strikes and it is so easy to fall into a pit of darkness. This could be any tragedy. Loss of a job, losing a friend, diagnosis of a disease, death of a loved one, etc. The enemy sees that you are weak and he will hit you while you're down. He will look for any opportunity to keep you in that pit. The only way out is to grab that hand that is reaching down for you.
I think I could have fallen in that pit. I could have let the enemy grab a hold of me. But I didn't. Some people have commented lately at how well they think I am doing, how proud they are of me. I'm not going to lie, people. I'm scared of the dark. I couldn't stay there too long. I had to grab His hand. He pulled me out. Please, don't misunderstand. I am still sad. I still cry. I am still heartbroken but I see the Light.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord si the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?" Pslm 27:1 NIV

1 month

Today has been 1 month since Jordan's death. Yesterday and today really. I know that sounds strange but May 1st was the long day I labored in the hospital while he was born shortly after midnight. As I was writing in my journal this morning, I realized that some days it seems like so long ago and others it seems like just yesterday. The ache my heart feels is still so evident. The pain is still there and it is still very real. I do have a peace now that wasn't there before. It's a wonderful feeling to just feel like I can breath again. One thing I have realized and it has been confirmed in many ways, is that you can't rush grief. If you rush it, you will take longer to heal. I have emotions that creep up on me when I least expect it. I weep at times I wouldn't have before. I miss my son and sometimes, I still weep for him. That's okay. Just like Jesus wept for Lazarus. HE understands my tears. This past month has been very eye opening for me. I have learned so much about myself and others as well.
Remember the tornadoes that hit our area a few months ago? That was the worst storm many of us had seen in a long time. You can still see where the tornadoes hit. There are areas that are bare and new trees will have to grow in those spots to make them full. This is no different. We are weathering this storm but you will always see where it has been. Yes, we have bare spots too. But they, too, will one day be full again.