My sweet, sweet boys

I have wanted to post lately but I just can't get my thoughts together or sometimes it leaves me before I have the chance to blog about it. I still sometimes feel like I am on that roller coaster. I still have my many colored days. But I am so thankful for the bright days! This part of my life was totally unexpected, not to mention the many changes that have come along with it. So many things are different in my life now. Obviously, the loss of Jordan being extremely negative. Other changes have been good, though, and for that I am thankful.
Chris and I have talked for a long time about adoption. We prayed about this before I got pregnant with Jordan. We decided then that we would adopt our 5th child. We have now begun the adoption process to make that dream a reality. We are all excited as we begin this new adventure. The boys are thrilled. I have to tell you a story that happened while driving last week with the boys. I am going to try and retell it word for word the best I can so if you know my boys, you can imagine them saying these things....
Camron :"Mommy, I am SO happy we gonna adopt a baby."
Mommy: "Me too Cam-Cam"
Camron: "Then we can have Jordan!"
Mommy:"Honey, you do realize the baby we adopt won't BE Jordan. You do know where Jordan is right??"
Camron: "Yes, Mommy, hims in Heaven."
Mommy: "That's right, he's with Jesus and we won't see him again until we go to heaven."
Jaxon (who chimes in from the back seat): "Camron, don't you know that when someone dies, you don't just forget about them, you don't just give their name to someone else! They live on in our hearts (points to his heart) and in our minds (points to his head)! Just because Jordan died, doesn't mean you can give his name to someone else, HE'S STILL OUR BABY. He's just our baby in heaven. Anyway, do you even know what it means to adopt??"
Camron: "yes"
Jaxon: "Let me just tell you. It means that Mommy isn't going to have this baby. Someone else is going to have it and then give it to us, so then it will be our baby too.
Caden:(who had been looking out the window, "thinking" and apparently taking all this is) Mommy, I sure hope God lets us keep this baby here on earth with us this time.
Mommy: Me too baby, me too (then of course we had the conversation that Jordan would never know the pains of this earth because he got to go straight to heaven....)

WOW, I just cried as I drove. How could I not. It makes my heart hurt that these boys have had to experience something like this BUT it also bring such joy to my heart to know that these boys have a deeper understanding for their heavenly Father because of this experience!

So, I ask you all, please be in prayer for our family as we begin this new chapter in our life.