1 month

Today has been 1 month since Jordan's death. Yesterday and today really. I know that sounds strange but May 1st was the long day I labored in the hospital while he was born shortly after midnight. As I was writing in my journal this morning, I realized that some days it seems like so long ago and others it seems like just yesterday. The ache my heart feels is still so evident. The pain is still there and it is still very real. I do have a peace now that wasn't there before. It's a wonderful feeling to just feel like I can breath again. One thing I have realized and it has been confirmed in many ways, is that you can't rush grief. If you rush it, you will take longer to heal. I have emotions that creep up on me when I least expect it. I weep at times I wouldn't have before. I miss my son and sometimes, I still weep for him. That's okay. Just like Jesus wept for Lazarus. HE understands my tears. This past month has been very eye opening for me. I have learned so much about myself and others as well.
Remember the tornadoes that hit our area a few months ago? That was the worst storm many of us had seen in a long time. You can still see where the tornadoes hit. There are areas that are bare and new trees will have to grow in those spots to make them full. This is no different. We are weathering this storm but you will always see where it has been. Yes, we have bare spots too. But they, too, will one day be full again.